The "Visiting Both Grandmas" Story: A Multiracial Family Tradition

One of the most formative experiences of being a mixed-race kid is visiting both sides of the family — moving between two households, two cultures, two sets of grandparents. The food is different. The language might be different. The rhythms of daily life feel distinct. Your kid absorbs, quietly, that they belong in both places.

This post is about making that specific experience more intentional — a ritual your multiracial kid can count on, remember, and carry forward.

Why “Visiting Both Grandmas” is a specific tradition

For single-heritage kids, “visiting grandma” is one kind of trip. For multiracial kids, there are often two grandmas (or equivalents) who live very different lives — Korean grandma who still cooks with kimchi made at home, Black grandma who hosts Sunday dinner for 20 people. Going from one to the other is a journey across two worlds.

If you don’t formalize this, it still happens — but it can feel chaotic, logistically stressful, emotionally loaded. If you do formalize it, it becomes one of the most cherished rituals of childhood.

Building the ritual

Make the visits equal (as much as possible)

If you can, visit both sides of the family the same number of times per year. The kid who only sees one grandma and not the other absorbs which side of the family “counts.”

This may require travel compromises, scheduling work, alternating holidays. It’s worth it.

Ritualize the entry and exit

Each time you arrive at grandma’s house, there can be a specific ritual: grandma makes the favorite snack, everyone hugs, a specific photo is taken. Each time you leave, another ritual: a final meal, a shared song, a certain way of saying goodbye.

These rituals become anchors. Your kid remembers “arriving at Halmoni’s” as a specific sensory experience, distinct from “arriving at Grandma’s.”

Take the same photo at each grandma’s house every year

Same spot, same pose, same frame. Over ten years of visits, you have a visual record of your kid growing up alongside each grandparent.

Let each grandma teach something

Korean grandma teaches kimchi. Black grandma teaches potato salad. Indian grandma teaches chai. Each grandparent has their expertise. Your kid leaves each visit with something learned specifically from that grandparent.

Write it down

Some families keep a “visiting both grandmas” journal. Each visit, someone writes a sentence or pastes a photo. By the time your kid is grown, it’s a family archive.

The personalized “visiting grandmas” book

At Akoni Books, our “Visiting Both My Grandmas” theme is one of the most-requested for multiracial families. A personalized story where your kid visits both sides of the family — one grandma’s house rendered in detail, the other grandma’s house rendered differently, your kid as the hero navigating both with love.

It’s the book your kid will return to often. Especially when one grandma is far away, or when a visit is coming up. The book becomes preparation for the real thing, and a keepsake after.

Create a ‘Visiting Both Grandmas’ book for your child →

When one side of the family is less present

Many multiracial families have asymmetrical grandparent situations. One set of grandparents lives nearby, one lives abroad. One set is fully in the child’s life, one is estranged. One side has passed away.

The ritual still matters, even in asymmetrical forms:

• Long-distance grandparents: Weekly video calls as the ritualized visit. The screen becomes the front door.
• Passed grandparents: Visits to the gravesite, or storytelling sessions where the surviving grandparent tells tales about the one who passed.
• Estranged grandparents: Honest conversations with your kid about why that side of the family is less present, without poisoning the relationship.

The point isn’t perfection. It’s intention. The kid who knows their parents are deliberate about both sides of the family absorbs something important, even when the logistics are imperfect.

The language question

For bilingual multiracial families, the “visiting both grandmas” ritual is often where heritage language happens most.

• Grandma A speaks only in Mandarin. When we visit her, we speak Mandarin (or try).
• Grandma B speaks only in Spanish. When we visit her, we speak Spanish (or try).

This is the natural immersion that keeps both languages alive in a kid’s mind. The visits become the “language labs” of your family.

Common visiting challenges

The food overload

Both grandmas will want to feed your kid. Your kid eats twice as much on visiting weekends. That’s fine.

The gift imbalance

One grandma spoils with gifts; the other doesn’t. Over time this can feel inequitable to your kid. Have a conversation with the less gift-giving grandma about small gestures that aren’t gifts — a hand-copied family recipe, a special song, a story.

The “whose grandma is more fun” trap

Avoid letting your kid compare. Every grandma has their own magic. Your kid’s job is to absorb each kind, not rank them.

The language discomfort

If your kid is less fluent at one grandma’s house (because Spanish or Mandarin or Korean is their second language), they may resist visits. Don’t let this become a pattern. Push through. The discomfort of language acquisition in childhood is worth the comfort of fluency in adulthood.

The long arc

Your multiracial kid, at 30, will remember the specific rhythms of visiting both sides of the family. The smell of halmoni’s kitchen. The sound of Abuela’s voice on the phone. The specific way one grandma hugs differently from another.

That memory is a foundation for their sense of self. They know where they come from because they spent their childhood moving between those places.

Make the ritual intentional. Start this year.

One visit a quarter to each side. One photo each time. One thing learned from each grandma each year. By the time your kid is 10, they have a library of memories specifically yours.

The book where they’re the hero of the story of visiting both grandmas? That’s just the written version of what you’ve already built in real life.